I was addicted to YouTube.
I had known for years the amount of time I spent on the platform wasn’t healthy. I got hooked on one video after the next, diving into the ocean of content and getting lost for hours. Once shorts were introduced, it was hook, line, and sinker.
I felt myself falling into a trance, the next swipe or click taking place before I could process the movement. It was mindless, and that’s why I liked it. It gave me a space to escape from the world around me. The purpose fictional books served as a kid had turned over to a digital space I dwelled in as a teenager.
But when I finally came up for air, a fog would settle over my mind, my thoughts and movements sluggish as a feeling of guilt and frustration came over me.
I had fallen for it again…
The struggle with addiction is even if you don’t like the feeling you’re left with, the craving, the desire, the need for more will bring you back again and again and again.
There’s a phrase that defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time.
I guess that makes me insane…
I’d make goals and set limits to try and curb this bad habit. I set timers, I set screen time limits, I shut down my devices when I wasn’t using them, I deleted the app, I was determined to watch only one video, but I always found a way around the inconveniences I set in place.
The timer was ignored, the screen limit clicked away, I restarted my device anyway, I used a browser instead, sheer willpower wasn’t enough…
Access to YouTube was always there. I took full advantage of it.
It wasn’t until a few months ago, sometime around November last year, when I watched a video from Madison Gray on digital detox that something clicked.
I made up my mind. It was time for change.
I had given hours of my life to a screen that made me feel worse every. single. time.
It stole time from my family, time from my relationships, time from my hobbies, time from personal growth, and time from being present in the moment.
I want my time, and it was time to take it back.
What took place was a mindset shift and a reality check. That was the ultimate motivation I needed to make lasting change. Not only did I delete YouTube, I also stripped my tablet, phone, and computer of any and every distraction.
They are tools, not entertainment.
What happened next? The beginning of a beautiful transformation. I gave myself the gift of boredom and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable in it. And you know what? I feel like I’ve blossomed.
There’s no more head fog. In fact, my memory and mental processing are the sharpest they’ve been in years. The mental clarity I’ve gained is astonishing.
My passion for beloved hobbies reignited, and my desire to pursue them reemerged.
My energy and mood increased.
My ability to cope with difficult and stressful situations drastically improved.
My love of life and the ability to enjoy every aspect of it flow freely.
The feelings of curiosity and joy from childhood returned.
I won’t deny electronics and the internet have a useful place in our modern day lives, but I have experienced firsthand how incredibly destructive they can be. I struggled for years with an addiction I didn’t know I had. What I’ve gained by overcoming it and setting firm boundaries around it is the most valuable thing I own: my life.
I will never look back.